Cosmetic Surgery

This is the first in a multiple-part series dedicated to exposing the truth behind cartoon character makeovers — from back alley liposuction to designer boob jobs, and all the juicy tidbits in between.

Over the course of a lengthy investigation, our Dirt Team has uncovered mouthwatering rumors and astonishing, potentially-career-ending accusations about some of the hottest animated stars around and their purported “hand-drawn” good looks. We assembled a panel of the most esteemed and scrupulous plastic surgery experts and asked them this question: Real or Digitally Enhanced?

In our opening stanza, we have decided to focus on one of our most beloved cartoon stars. From her humble beginnings as a cocktail waitress and sometime body double for some of the more modest celebs in Toontown, through her rapid ascent into animated high-society, to her precipitous fall from grace following her husband’s accusation for murder, we admired her innate ability to maintain her sultry, strawberries-and-whipped-cream appeal. But it now appears that she had a little help. These are the cosmetic chronicles of Jessica Rabbit

• Those come-hither LIPS: BOTOX® Cosmetic treatments, Restylane® injections, fat grafts, collagen.
• Those voluptuous BREASTS: breast lift, breast augmentation with saline implants
• That callipygious BOOTY: liposuction, fat grafting, Brazilian butt lift
• That smooth, lustrous SKIN: laser skin resurfacing, microdermabrasion, chemical peels, laser hair removal
• That larger-than-life, curvaceous FIGURE: body lift, bariatric surgery, tummy tuck
• That pouty, yet striking FACE: blepharoplasty, rhinoplasty, chin augmentation with implants, brow lift, laser hair removal, BOTOX®, Restylane® and collagen (dermal fillers), cleft palate reconstruction.

With all the cynicism and derision that we’ve been accustomed to hearing when the topic of cosmetic procedures comes up, I think it is important to – every once in a while – focus on the angel on the shoulder of this much maligned of surgical specialties.

Recently, a little boy received what he had been ardently wanting for so long. It wasn’t the latest “it” toy on TV or even a trip to Disneyland; what this 5-year-old child desired most was what most children are born with – ears. At birth, ten weeks early, Jorden Flowers weighed only 3 pounds, hadn’t developed ear canals or auditory nerves, and had small flaps of skin instead of ears.

Son of Olympic gold medalist bobsledder Vonetta Flowers, Jorden made his own way into the record books two years ago as the first American child to undergo auditory brain stem implant surgery. Able at last to hear his parents’ words of love and encouragement, Jorden currently is learning to speak.

The icing on the cake of this medical miracle came September 2007 in the form of silicone ears, carefully crafted and tinted to match Jorden’s skin tone by University of Florida anaplastologist Robert Mann. Affixed to the sides of his head with magnets attracted to metal posts embedded in his skull, Jorden’s prosthetic ears represent one of the medical community’s finer contributions to patient wellbeing.
 
His mother explains that Jorden, who is just starting kindergarten, doesn’t take his new ears for granted. Treating them like the precious gift they are, he insists on only wearing them when going out and removing them immediately upon returning home.

In a world where professionals get Botox’d on their lunch breaks and tabloids constantly conjecture on the origins of celebrity assets, when it comes to plastic surgery, perhaps bitter isn’t always better.

A new study published in the Annals of Plastic Surgery’s August issue asserts that there is a link between breast implants and suicide.  The Los Angeles Times, when reporting the story, included the shocking headline, “Breast Cancer Linked to Suicide Risk.”  Why couldn’t we have seen it sooner?  The telltale signs were all there to be seen – bad body image, low self-confidence, small and/or unattractive breasts.  It’s just that we could not have envisioned something as immediately gratifying as fake breasts to lead something so immediately fatalistic as suicide.   It’s not like we could have predicted that women would only receive partial emotional benefits following surgery, or that once the luster of new, perky breasts has worn off, these women return to what they always were: unhappy women.  I think we need to examine the types of women who are choosing to undergo the procedure to better understand what it is about ourselves that makes us think that bigger boobs or tighter buns will be the key to unlocking our emotional happiness, when nothing else has affected that sort of change in our psyches before. 

There are two parts to this issue.  The first lies in the nature of the study itself.  The second speaks to the heart of all of us.  First of all, why is it that we are so focused on headlines?  Is it because most people do not bother to read the story once they know the gist of it from the headline and blurb that follows it?  Is that effectively enough in our IM, PDA, water-cooler-conversation world to suffice as knowledge?  Do we need only to mention that we have heard of a story for people to presume that we know all about it?  Is our society really that shallow?  Judging by the way stories are reported in the news these days, the answer probably lies somewhere between ‘yes’ and ‘definitely.’  The reason I take issue with the LA Times headline is because it is sensationalistic to a fault.  Of course we are interested in breast implants!  Of course we are intrigued by suicide!  Put them together and what have you got?  More people reading the headline and espousing falsities to their peers. 

If you read the article, you will find an obvious reason for what the headline asserts: that women who decide to get breast implants may be at higher risk for suicide than women who choose not to get them.  Think to yourself: what woman in her right mind would be so unsatisfied with her breasts that she would go through with this procedure?  Therein lies the heart of the second issue.  Why is it that we believe that changing just one thing about us will bring about precipitous changes in all other aspects of our lives.  Sure, bigger breasts will get you noticed, but that brings about a whole other set of issues.  They might even get you a husband or a job, but bigger breasts cannot solve our emotional problems.  In fact, they may make them worse. 

Bigger breasts are not psychologists, nor should we presume them to be.  Bigger breasts cannot make our parents love us or erase the pain of abuse or neglect.  They are what they are: cosmetic solutions to emotional problems.  No matter how big (and perky and attractive) the band aid is, it’s still a stopgap measure to temporarily stall larger psychological issues.  The sooner we realize this, the better off we will be.

In the realm of cosmetic surgery, this could fall into the category of a “no brainer.” Finally, women can lose weight and have their breasts enlarged all at once. This revolutionary new procedure, fittingly named Celution by its creators, involves minor liposuction of “problem areas” — such as the arms, thighs, and belly – and the transferring of this fatty tissue to an area that can carry more of it, the breasts.

Breast enlargement (sans fat relocation) has been one of the most popular cosmetic procedures over the last two decades. What I find so hard to believe about this procedure isn’t that it provides a new alternative for breast enhancement (which, as we all know, is a good thing); it’s that it took so long for a company to invent a safe, effective way of doing it. We’ve all played with play-dough and silly putty before. The easiest way of changing the shape of an object (let’s say, a clay Anna Nicole Smith figurine) is to take off the part you don’t want and transplant it to a part that needs more bulk.

This same principle can be seen in Celution (which incidentally sounds a little too much like “cellulite” for my tastes.) It makes one wonder if they simply pump the slurry that is extracted in the liposuction part of the procedure directly into the mammary tissue, effectively building a sort of “fat cushion” behind the existing fat in the breast. Kinda makes you think for a second about what’s really important in life.

If you were forming a superhero team to combat the forces of gravity and old age, who would you choose?

 The San Diego Comic-Con is coming up this week, and it has me thinking about one of my favorite subjects: superheroes.  As a plastic surgery blogger, the medical topics that I’m supposed to cover rarely coincide with my geekier interests. But I’m going to take this opportunity and run with it! (or fly with it, or teleport with it, or….yeah never mind).

Let’s go through the roster!

Mr. Plastic – The obvious choice for leader. His elasticity is unparalleled, and we all know that elastic skin is youthful-looking skin. Wrinkles are wiped away!

Lipo Lass –Uses her suction power and her trusty cannula to stop low-life fat deposits from taking over various neighborhoods.  Has an on-again, off-again relationship with Tommy Tuck.

The Augmentator – His most common weapons are silicone and saline based. When he’s overseas he uses gummy bear implants to fight Dr. Flat Chest, his arch nemesis.

Captain Botox – As a child, Billy Bo always thought that his grandfather was mad at him even when he wasn’t. This traumatizing experience led to his rebirth as Captain Botox and his mission to eradicate brow furrows everywhere. The Captain is renowned for his terrifying toxin that can paralyze his enemies for up to 6 months at a time.

Small boobs, saggy skin, diabolical flab- your days are numbered. The Fantastic Plastics are here….to make the world a safer, better-looking place!