Cosmetic Surgery

This is the first in a multiple-part series dedicated to exposing the truth behind cartoon character makeovers — from back alley liposuction to designer boob jobs, and all the juicy tidbits in between.

Over the course of a lengthy investigation, our Dirt Team has uncovered mouthwatering rumors and astonishing, potentially-career-ending accusations about some of the hottest animated stars around and their purported “hand-drawn” good looks. We assembled a panel of the most esteemed and scrupulous plastic surgery experts and asked them this question: Real or Digitally Enhanced?

In our opening stanza, we have decided to focus on one of our most beloved cartoon stars. From her humble beginnings as a cocktail waitress and sometime body double for some of the more modest celebs in Toontown, through her rapid ascent into animated high-society, to her precipitous fall from grace following her husband’s accusation for murder, we admired her innate ability to maintain her sultry, strawberries-and-whipped-cream appeal. But it now appears that she had a little help. These are the cosmetic chronicles of Jessica Rabbit

• Those come-hither LIPS: BOTOX® Cosmetic treatments, Restylane® injections, fat grafts, collagen.
• Those voluptuous BREASTS: breast lift, breast augmentation with saline implants
• That callipygious BOOTY: liposuction, fat grafting, Brazilian butt lift
• That smooth, lustrous SKIN: laser skin resurfacing, microdermabrasion, chemical peels, laser hair removal
• That larger-than-life, curvaceous FIGURE: body lift, bariatric surgery, tummy tuck
• That pouty, yet striking FACE: blepharoplasty, rhinoplasty, chin augmentation with implants, brow lift, laser hair removal, BOTOX®, Restylane® and collagen (dermal fillers), cleft palate reconstruction.

Yes, boys, it happens to us too. It’s up to you to decide whether to embrace the signs of age as rugged manliness, or succumb to the cosmetic surgery revolution.

As you gaze longingly into the mirror, turning to this side, then the other, admiring those contoured biceps, flexing your sculpted pectorals, worshipping what you believe to be the Adonis-like proportions that make you a true man… you notice something around your eyes. Lines. Tiny little creases that look like the feet of a bird. And then the image of your sumptuous, youthful masculinity crumbles into a zillion little pieces as you realize that age could possibly be starting to rear it’s head on your very own… around the eyes to be precise.
Okay, so that’s the extreme scenario. But let’s face it, guys, we can be just as afraid of nature’s effects as our female counterparts, and it can hit us like a monster-truck when we first notice it.

Many men aren’t concerned at all with how they look, but a great number of males these days partake of the metrosexual aesthete, dressing well and lookin’ hot.

One option for men freaking out about crows feet is cosmetic surgery, such as brow lift, dermal wrinkle fillers (BOTOX® Cosmetic, Juvederm™, etc.) and others. These can be effective in smoothing out the wrinkles and giving your face a more youthful sheen.

But remember, gentlemen, cosmetic enhancement is a major decision that should not be made lightly. And as we age, the signs will continue to come back.

Also, keep in mind, some of those extra lines don’t just signify age, to some, they read as experience, wisdom, intellect, and sexiness. The rugged-looking male can be incredibly attractive to both sexes, so don’t be too quick to get rid of those well-earned fine lines… they may make you an even bigger hit than you were before.

Number one: I’m not a woman.
Number two: Every person’s body is his/her own temple, and has the right to accentuate his/her own body as he/she sees fit.

That said, I do have opinions, particularly when it comes to plastic surgery among our celebrity-set. A recent article in an on-line entertainment magazine contained an interview with Courtney Cox in which she stated she wouldn’t mind some plastic surgery as she gets older, but the hubby, David Arquette, is not so keen on the idea. This got me to thinking: from everything I’ve read and heard, Diane Keaton has never had plastic surgery, is in her 60’s, and looks incredible. Same with Helen Mirren and Meryl Streep. These are some of the most talented, hardest-working actresses in the world, single-handedly defying the antiquated, horrifically unfair notion that women past 40 are washed up in Hollywood. The overwhelming pressures on women, particularly in the entertainment industry, to be thin, beautiful, young, and perfect ALL THE TIME overshadow the fact that women can and do grow older gracefully. In my opinion, any man or woman worth his/her intellectual, emotional, and enlightened salt can attest that brains, wisdom, culture and care for natural beauty trumps collagenized lips, tightened faces, and botoxed brows any day.

Again, I’m not a woman so I can’t possibly understand the pressures they are under. But as a dude who recognizes the beauty and wonder that is woman, I say don’t do it Courtney. You’re too fabulous to ever need it.

(The male response to a previous blog regarding the G-Shot, a new cosmetic treatment, not yet approved by the F-D-A, involving a shot of collagen in the area of the “G-Spot” that is said to enhance female arousal and stimulation for up to four months.)

Um… please no.
I know, I’m a man and all, and I couldn’t possibly be expected to identify with the (seemingly omnipresent) orgasmic needs of a woman – wait, I am a man, so I guess I could identify with the omnipresent need for pleasure, just not in the physiological ways that women do – but… it’s a shot. A shot! IN YOUR GENITALS!!!! Are you mad?! My legs are crossed just thinking about it. Besides, what if something goes wrong? As many success stories that collagen treatment for the face has provided, there have also been, shall we say, adverse effects as well. Like say, I don’t know, continuous expressions of surprise? Now imagine that applied to your privates. On second thought, don’t.

I know, I know. I’m a guy, and being a guy traditionally means that arousal several times a day is really not that hard (no pun intended). But come on! What if you get this wonder-collagen treatment, and it works so well you can’t stop it? You’ll be a living re-enactment of the restaurant scene in When Harry Met Sally. Do you really want to take the risk of sitting in an office meeting, or at a theatre, or in a museum… and out of nowhere your “sensual superpower” kicks in and you can’t stop groaning? Loudly?!

Sorry. I know men and women are different, but personally, I’d rather have a large pickle shoved up my nostril than a needle going anywhere near my bobbles.

One of the fastest-growing cosmetic trends in the last decade is being embraced by men. Manly men.

A lot of men these days are turning to BOTOX Cosmetic as a way of rejuvenating their faces, or just getting rid of frown lines that make them look angry and unapproachable. More and more, men are (thankfully) paying attention to looking the best they possibly can in social and business situations, and pursuing cosmetic options that were once considered cultural taboos for the male of the species (for many men, cosmetic treatment was akin to wearing make-up).

Botox is a relatively inexpensive way of keeping the face looking young and revitalized and filling in unwanted lines and wrinkles. However, gentlemen, if you’re at a party or a club and you’re out to impress the hot tamales in the room with your cool, suave manliness, remember that many women and men find the ruggedness that comes with age in the male to be extremely attractive, and an extra line or two on your face may even enhance your appeal.

Any kind of cosmetic treatment should be your decision and one that’s well thought-out, don’t base it on one other person’s opinion of how you look or “what you need”.

And if you decide Botox will make you feel and look better, be sure to find a qualified cosmetic surgeon or dermatologist to administer it. The last thing you want is a perpetual look of anger to turn into a perpetual look of shock.

Because that would not help your game.

In a perfect world, all women would orgasm 100 percent of the time. Unfortunately, Cosmo tells us that is just not the case. According to some surveys, 75 percent of women don’t always reach orgasm during sex. Another survey says that up to 10 percent of women have never had an orgasm. That’s almost criminal…

Because I’m relatively cynical about how many men really care about these statistics and improving their “performance,” I think it’s time for women take “the O” upon themselves.

A G-Shot® might just be the answer we’ve been looking for.

Cleverly named, the G-Shot® is an injection of FDA-approved collagen into – you guessed it – that elusive G-spot. The collagen enlarges the area of the G-spot, which makes it easier to get excited about getting it on. According to the G-Shot® website, in a preliminary study, 87 percent of women who received the G-Shot® reported enhanced arousal and stimulation during sex. One patient claimed, “What a result. All I have to do is think about sex and I can feel my G-Spot react.” Not bad for a product your mom used to fill in her forehead crease.

The downside: There are only a handful of doctors in the U.S. that perform this procedure. There is also a fairly long list of risks – which includes no result at all. The procedure is not FDA-approved yet, so think hard about whether the potential pleasure is worth the potential problems.

The upside: You could be feeling the results of the G-Shot® for up to four months.

For me, there’s really just one question then:

Where do I sign up?