Cosmetic Surgery

Number one: I’m not a woman.
Number two: Every person’s body is his/her own temple, and has the right to accentuate his/her own body as he/she sees fit.

That said, I do have opinions, particularly when it comes to plastic surgery among our celebrity-set. A recent article in an on-line entertainment magazine contained an interview with Courtney Cox in which she stated she wouldn’t mind some plastic surgery as she gets older, but the hubby, David Arquette, is not so keen on the idea. This got me to thinking: from everything I’ve read and heard, Diane Keaton has never had plastic surgery, is in her 60’s, and looks incredible. Same with Helen Mirren and Meryl Streep. These are some of the most talented, hardest-working actresses in the world, single-handedly defying the antiquated, horrifically unfair notion that women past 40 are washed up in Hollywood. The overwhelming pressures on women, particularly in the entertainment industry, to be thin, beautiful, young, and perfect ALL THE TIME overshadow the fact that women can and do grow older gracefully. In my opinion, any man or woman worth his/her intellectual, emotional, and enlightened salt can attest that brains, wisdom, culture and care for natural beauty trumps collagenized lips, tightened faces, and botoxed brows any day.

Again, I’m not a woman so I can’t possibly understand the pressures they are under. But as a dude who recognizes the beauty and wonder that is woman, I say don’t do it Courtney. You’re too fabulous to ever need it.

Sweet Stephanie Tanner is Finally All Grown Up!

The latest in early 90s sitcom news is Jodie Sweetin. Well. More accurately – Jodie Sweetin’s huge rack. Clearly back on crack, Sweetin’s sweetheart image has once again been sullied after she appeared all over Hollywood sporting a new set of knockers. And to be clear, these implants are not intended to add an aesthetic sense of proportion to her slight frame. No, these boobs were exploding out of her shirt like fleshy fireworks… The kind that make your dog hide under the bed and whimper. Her pink top strained at the seams trying to contain them.

This surgical decision on her part bears several questions for me: For one, has she fallen off the proverbial wagon? What woman would need attention so badly that she would be willing to put two 5-pound sacks of silicone into her chest? Unless you’re planning on letting someone build a summer home in your cleavage, I see little to no benefit to breast implants so large that they could dictate their own gravity.

And then… I am drawn to the more philosophical aspects of this “development”: Can breast implants really be too big?

Based on thorough research (or… a Google search that returned a lot of porn), there are many doctors out there who specialize in placing larger breast implants for a more “dramatic effect.” Apparently, you can get up to 1000cc breast implants, which would be the equivalent of DDs. But seriously, who actually goes and gets them? I think that large of an implant should be reserved strictly for strippers and real estate agents. There needs to be some sort of employment criteria for that much silicone… And honey, I am pretty sure you haven’t worked since you were 13.

As we sit shiva on Full House’s loveable Stephanie Tanner, I hope we can remember her as an angelic little girl who grew up, went on a meth binge, and made some poor plastic surgery decisions. Maybe the real lesson here is that you should never listen to Uncle Jesse.

Hollywood is full of celebrities who seem preternaturally preserved. Despite careers that are based on the ability to emote, many of today’s famous actresses haven’t been able to pull off a facial expression since the Clinton administration. But stars who think that “aging gracefully” involves BOTOX® injections and a constant look of mild surprise are not the only people in Hollywood going under the knife. Many young actresses and singers who once turned their noses up at plastic surgery are now opting to modify said noses.

Both Cameron Diaz and Ashlee Simpson reportedly had changes of heart concerning plastic surgery, in spite of the fact that they had repeatedly spoken out against it in the past. In fact, mere weeks before Ashlee underwent nose surgery (and if you believe some celebrity gossipers, chin reduction and lip injections), she was featured in an article in Marie Claire encouraging girls to accept body flaws and love themselves. Her dramatic transformation following that article led to criticism from fans. Cameron Diaz, who has broken her nose four times and used to boast that she loved it more each time she broke it, supposedly got a nose job to correct breathing problems. Perhaps these lovely ladies should’ve listened to Ashlee’s 2006 album “Who I Am” and figured it out before they blabbed their views on self acceptance to the press.